Summer Tradition

They are already hanging on the back of my bedroom door: my beach tunic and the straw hat I reserve solely for vacations. I've tried on all my swimsuits and chosen the fuchsia ruched tankini...but I will likely end up taking several just because variety is the spice of a girl's fashion life, and doggone it, I like the sight of a wet swimsuit draped over the shower rod to dry. It means that I've been drifting on the lake in that mesh float I bought last year at Port Clinton's local marine store, I'm four hours from home and not working, spending some laid back time on quaint little Gem Beach. It means I'm some brand of sublimely happy.

I'm ready a good two months early. This is always the way I operate in life. I anticipate everything so much that I have approximately eight weeks to fully enjoy the season, holiday, vacation - whatever it is - before it ever arrives. Really I started up on longing for Lake Erie back on an icy day in March. I had bundled up in every piece of warm clothing I own and taken a walk at the local park, willing spring to arrive. As ice spit on my face and I rounded the lake, bereft of water fowl and person, I realized that there were some cedars planted along the water's edge.

Immediately I was transported to the month of August and was walking again down the short gravel lane between the two rows of old lake houses, hearing faint laughter from inside screened porches and seeing little girls and their mommas carrying tote bags and beach towels. I want to thank whoever planted all those cedars up and down the lane. I love the long, flanked pattern of their bark and the soft-spoken needles, but most of all I love how they usher me to the pier from the inn and back again. How they stand watching in the darkness when I go out late to look at the moon over the water.

I wasn't even going to go this year. What was I thinking? McKenna's first became a part of the romance of my life when I was eight or nine years old and I've revisited several times in recent years. There is nowhere else I can go and feel the warm waves seduce me to fall back into the water like a trust fall. Like a kiss. I just forget to let go...which is probably why my muscles get so tight and knotted. Let go of plans and dreams that I'm unable to forge to fit my life. Of the idea or hope for this or that that I hold with a miserably tight fist.

I finally let go when I'm there and remember the happiness of showering off lake water, sand and sunscreen and figuring out where to drive for dinner. Of sleeping until the smells of breakfast and coffee whisper under the door. Of giving the Word and Presence of God my devoted attention on one of those second floor deck lounge chairs and starting to realize His hugely better agenda in the absence of mine.

So, a week or two ago, I righted the wrong of forsaking my summer tradition and booked three nights. It would really be terrible to miss having a mini-fridge stocked with Vanilla Coke Zero, sprawling breakfasts and the revelations and affections that come there.

For now it's my single-girl tradition, but someday I hope to whisk a husband there with me and introduce him to all he's been missing. For now, I'm vowing to simply love summer as I did as a kid and to love God better than I have before. Vowing to be thankful for and be blissful in the body He made for me and thank Him for the blessings of warm water and sand. Of stretching out on a beach towel and letting the hot sand fill every curve of my back, sweating until I nearly fall asleep...and the choice between several cute swimsuits. Mmm...summer :) What tradition are you looking forward to? What tradition might you begin?

SSMT Verses 4/15 - 6/1

Okay...more verses. Here are the next four and what they mean to me.

1 John 1:5-6. April 15, 2013

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. 

I chose this as a way to hold myself accountable to 'thinking light' and not privately allowing myself to 'think darkness'. If God is everything good - everything light symbolizes (truth, beauty, being unashamed, goodness and purity) then darkness is everything that is not of Him. Darkness can take the form of so many things in our thoughts - lust, greed, envy, lies we believe under deception. I can recognize I'm 'thinking darkness' in some situation and do nothing to change it, and eventually let it suck me under to misery. Or, I can actually remind myself that God would have nothing to do with such thoughts. I'm human - I can't magically change what pops into my mind, though I can change what I'm purposefully feeding it, but I can 'take it captive' and call the darkness what it is. If I don't call myself out then I'm basically saying that God and his word are worthless in my life. I can render myself ineffective by allowing dark thoughts to continue.

1 John 1:7-8. May 1, 2013

 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.

 I continued here with verses 7 and 8 because they explain the relationship between our thought lives and our relationships. Now, I'm walking backward from the truth found in 7: If we 'think and walk light' then we are able to have fellowship with one another. That tells me that we can't truly have fellowship with one another if we are 'living darkness'. If I'm hiding thoughts that would cause myself shame, I'm going to likely keep (subconscious) distance between myself and others. If I'm 'behaving darkness' in a way that is evident (subtly or overtly) to others, they will probably sense that I'm not really trustworthy or that red flag will go up in their spirit that says to 'be careful' with me. 

The truth here, that applies to both our relationships with God and mankind is this: no authenticity equals no intimacy in relationship. If we are not fully owning up to who we are and who we currently aren't, why should a person accept that and be open with us? I'm not saying that relationships are 50/50 or that there is a form of currency going on there, but I am saying that we would be unwise to really go deep in a relationship if the other person is hiding darkness on purpose, wearing a mask, or especially living opening in darkness. 

Furthermore, I was meant for relationship with God...why should I offer Him anything less than all of me? He died for all of me - in process me, future me, even the messed up me that does what I really don't want to do all the time (Romans 7). I need to hold myself accountable to thinking light as He is light in order to stay close to Him, and my relationships with people will follow suit because everyone around me will see that I have nothing to hide. My goal is transparency.

Proverbs 16:6. May 15, 2013

Through love and faithfulness sin is atoned for;
    through the fear of the Lord evil is avoided. 

My first reaction to this verse was that man can make reparations for wrongs done by their love and faithfulness. Then I thought of Hesed kindness. A basic primer on Hesed if you're not familiar: this describes God's one-way kindness, faithfulness and covenant keeping toward man. It's a promise to love that is not dependent on man's ability to reciprocate. In light of that, I now see Proverbs 16:6 more from the opposite perspective: God makes good of our wrongs and sin by HIS love and faithfulness. This is exactly what came by and through Christ. Christ is the expression of the Father's heart to save his creation, the expression of love and faithfulness and endless, one-way grace. 

The second part of this reminds me to fear God with a mixture of both respect and actual fear of what a powerful Authority can do when you've done wrong by disobeying them. A great place to visit and see an illustration of what the fear of God (and earthly masters) looks like is Genesis 39. Read it and see how highly Joseph regards Potiphar, but more than that, God. He even goes so far as to literally run away from a married woman attempting to seduce him rather than sin against God and man. Evil was definitely avoided by the fear of the Lord in this case.

Psalm 40:11. June 1, 2013

Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
    may your love and faithfulness always protect me. 

Continuing on with the Hesed theme...love and faithfulness. Here I'm seeing them as protection. God's love and faithfulness (again I'm looking at that as the physical expression of Jesus) protects me from sin, from eternal consequence, from so many things I'll probably never realize. It's funny that because this is a psalm written from man's perspective, the writer fears that God might not give mercy. It's so natural that we'd think this way since we know so many people (and maybe do this ourselves) that say, "I hope that person gets what they deserve!" Really you just have to watch the news and see how most victims and families of victims respond to their perpetrators. It is so rare to see a human being react to a criminal by desiring mercy for them. Not so with God. He's somehow both just and merciful. Nobody will get cheated out of justice and yet his way of working out our offenses is redemption. Beautiful.

Favorite Salad

This is a Terri Osborne combination and my personal favorite salad. No dressing required…but if you have to have it go with a balsamic vinaigrette.

-          Leaf and/or Romaine lettuces

-          Campari vine tomatoes, large dice

-          Avocado, sliced

-          Feta cheese with basil & sundried tomato

-          Red onion, small dice

-          Warm grilled chicken, sliced.

Crispy Crust Margherita Pizza

The dough recipe makes enough for two pizzas. When the dough has risen, cut it in half and store in the refrigerator for an easy pizza two or three days later in the week.

Dough/Step One:

-          2 (1/8 teaspoon) packets fast rising yeast

-          ¾ cup lukewarm water

-          Pinch of sugar

-          2 cups all-purpose unbleached flour

-          ½ teaspoon salt

-          ½ teaspoon Italian seasoning

Toppings/Step Two:

-          ½ to ¾ cup pizza sauce

-          1 teaspoon minced garlic

-          1 large tomato, sliced and drained on a paper towel

-          10 leaves fresh basil, torn to pieces

-          6 ounces shredded mozzarella or blend of Italian cheeses

Preheat oven and pizza stone to 475 F.

Dissolve yeast and sugar in water in a Pyrex-type measuring cup. Mix flour, salt and seasoning in a mixing bowl. Add yeast/water mixture and combine using hands until a cohesive ball forms. Remove from bowl and knead on a smooth surface for several minutes. Let rise for 10 minutes. Cut dough in half and place half in a zip-lock bag in the refrigerator.

Lay a sheet of parchment paper on a work surface. Using the base of your hand, press outward from center, stretching the dough to form an irregular circle.  Cut the excess parchment from around the pizza. Spread a thin layer of pizza sauce on crust. Sprinkle garlic across sauce evenly. Bake crust only (on parchment paper) on pizza stone for about seven minutes.

Remove crust from oven and top with a little more pizza sauce, basil, tomato and cheese. Bake for an additional 10 to 12 minutes or until cheese begins to brown slightly.

Pumpkin-Chocolate Chip Bread

This is really good. The recipe makes 9x5 loaves so it works with 'the dare'. Make one and give the other away (or freeze it).

-          15 ounce can pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie filling)

-          4 eggs

-          ½ cup vegetable or canola oil

-          2/3 cup water

-          1 1/3 cup sugar (I use cane sugar)

-          ½ cup applesauce (I use unsweetened natural)

-          3 ½ cups all-purpose unbleached flour (all-purpose whole wheat or gluten free flour may also be used)

-          2 teaspoons baking soda

-          1 ½ teaspoons salt

-          1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

-          1 teaspoon ground nutmeg

-          ½ teaspoon ground cloves

-          ¼ teaspoon ground ginger

-          Semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 F. Spray butter cooking spray on the sides and bottom of two 9x5 loaf pans.

In a large bowl, mix together pumpkin, eggs, oil, water and sugar until blended. Stir in applesauce. In a separate, smaller bowl whisk together flour, baking soda, salt and spices. Stir the dry ingredients into the pumpkin mixture. Fold in chocolate chips (I use about 6 ounces).

Pour an equal amount into each pan and bake for approximately 1 hour, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Let cool completely before removing from pan.

Not Flesh & Blood

Don’t look at me like I’m cheap

And I won’t think about you as if you won’t cost me anything

The price is higher than you or I would like to believe

And the bill will come

Demanding more of us than we have to give

It will scare and unsettle us

We’re not messing around in flesh and blood

It can’t be paid.

Looking at this from outside myself

I’m afraid you’ve been really, really mistaken

And so have I

It doesn’t matter if you have affection, or words, or desire

Or if I have them too

I’m not yours for consuming

I belong to Someone Else

So do you.

Don’t think for a second my face matters for you

Or my hair possibly

Or my voice, you only hear the surface

Hear the beginning, never the end

I cannot know the rivers inside you

And I certainly could not give an answer to your deep

Just like you don’t know

The deep He knows of me

He has long gazed dignity into me

Worth truly only He can impart

And none but God could make me believe it

Not a mirror, not a man

I am Beloved eternal

The Apple of His Eye

And you?

You were made for more than you have desired

More than what you can see

I hold up a shield to you

I know it’s not fair the way I’ve done this

I too need to lay down my sword

Because I’ve not just been very wounded

I’ve taken the health of one too many

And I want them to have it back

I’d call on every angel

They’d carry you away to heal

You’d have your own room in that place

It would be your favorite color

And I’d not ever be in it

You would eat from God’s hand, your Father’s

You’d become well, slowly better

From the damages of earth and desire

You’d heal from the wounds I knew nothing of

The ones from home

The mistakes you never wanted to make

And when that had happened we’d maybe be able

To really care about each other

Because we’d be okay, not reckless

We’d have sober hearts

Looking out for each other

We’d be transparent

Let me be very clear:

You are worth too much

For what is so cheap and common

And I have learned too much to be so foolish

I will not tear down what God is building

We are not messing around in flesh and blood.

(Relevant word: Galatians 5:13-24)

The Memorization Experience

Back in November, a good friend told me about the year-long scripture memorization program that Living Proof does on their blog (http://blog.lproof.org/tag/scripture-memory-2013). She casually asked if I wanted to do it. I didn’t even think before I answered. It doesn’t matter that I’ve always been horrible at memorizing anything. I just said “Yes!” like it had been waiting inside me to pounce on the question. And I was kind of surprised at my immediate “Yes!”, but pleasantly so. It was like accepting the challenge that came as a casual question had been something I needed to do…that carried much more weight than I’d realized. I was right. It’s changing me. It’s changing how I live, think, struggle, love. Mostly it’s changing the way I struggle.

I have been choosing verses that are close to my life as the weeks go by. Two verses a month: one on the 1^st, one on the 15^th. So with today being April 1^st, I’m on seven. As I go on here I’m going to test myself, knowing there will be some mistakes, but here we go! All seven from memory and nothing else….

LORD, I love the house where you live, the place where your glory dwells.

Psalm 26:8          1/1/13

(Coincided with the move in December – was needing to focus on not where I live, but on Who I live with, Who lives in me)


All those the Father gives me will come to me and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. For I have come down from heaven not to do my will, but to do the will of him who sent me.

John 6:37-38       1/15/13

(Because I desperately need reminding that Jesus will never turn me away)


And this is the will of him of sent me, that I should lose none of all those he has given me but raise them up at the last day. For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.

John 6:39-40       2/1/13

(Jesus is serious about his Father’s desires and will. He is completely faithful to carry out that will to the end of earth as we know it. And for this, I am grateful! He won’t let me go!)


I have made you known to them and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them, and that I myself may be in them.

John 17:26           2/15/13

(I was finding it true…when I thought He would just stop communicating with me and leave me in silence, I found Him reaching to me through so many things, making Himself known. I love this scripture because like so many others I’ve chosen so far, these are the words of Jesus. This passage is taken from a prayer Jesus prays over all believers.)


But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9            3/1/13

(Because I was pretty much horrified at how messed up I am and continue to be. I chose this in a time when it was obvious to me that I can’t do the good I want to do, no matter how hard I try. Grace. Grace. Grace. I can’t do this alone.)


As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love.

John 15:9-10       3/15/13

(I was still thinking about my weakness in a particular area of life…knowing that I need to get it together and conform my thoughts to His. This verse is particularly motivating because He’s telling me He loves me and He wants me to stay with Him. “Don’t go there. Don’t think that. Don’t entertain that idea…just hang with me. I want to be with You.” That’s what I was hearing. The way to do that is to seek to obey the things God desires – whether I am great at obedience or not isn’t the part that really matters – it’s just that I’m trying because I’m motivated by His love and want to please Him.)


And that brings us to today…

But God chose the foolish things of this world to shame the wise; He chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.

1 Corinthians 1:27            4/1/13

(Still very aware of my many weaknesses. Still beating myself up and wishing I could get it together….but then came this verse. God CHOSE me, a fool, weak, in full knowledge of who I am. He did it on purpose! In a way, I can be thankful as the special object of his affection. He says in the word after all that He didn’t come for the healthy, but for the sick. And sick I am. I have to find ways to flip all my self-criticisms on their heads and see myself as God sees me…because God flips everything upside down. The first will be last and the last first. Isn’t it wonderful that even in our weakness we have reassurance of God’s love??)

I can’t believe I’ve been able to get this in my head and have it stick. But I know why it is…because Someone wants me. Someone cares so much for me that He desires that my heart see His heart. That my mind would understand His mind. Through all the nights when I’m laying there repeating the scriptures in whispers in the dark, trying to make sure it’s still there, I know He’s helping me out. I am not naturally good at this!

I’ve found that this SSMT experience is making me take a step back and look at God and just fall in love with Him all over again. I’ve been with Him for seventeen years and it’s just getting better and better. We’ve had our ups and downs and really, really hard places. I guess it’s sort of like marriage…well, it is marriage. I hear people say things like, “You think you know the person when you get married and then you spend the rest of your life finding out who they really are.” That’s true of my relationship with Jesus. I love that I keep getting to see more of Him. I love His heart. It’s mind-blowing, really.

I have been thinking of some Jars of Clay lyrics through this memorization process:

Trace the shape of my heart
Till it becomes more familiar to your eyes
I've been lost without you
Cold without your love
It's taken days and nights
To make me realize…
Rescue me from hanging on this line
I won't give up on giving you
The chance to blow my mind

The Eleventh Hour

 As I’ve prayed and asked for guidance in choosing the verses that need to be permanently etched in my mind, I’ve sort of felt like God is taking my finger and tracing his heart with it. Letting me touch the heart that beats for me, that is passionately in love with the heart of mankind, repetitiously learning its beautiful form. Saying his words over and over and over, until they just roll off my tongue.

It’s when I compare my thinking without his word to my thoughts as they seek to slip into His truth that I realize how lost I’ve been, how cold, how self-centered. Making the effort to do this personal thing with Him shows me every time: this is not in vain. He’s meeting me here. He’s rescuing me from my own self-seeking attempts to find satisfaction and fulfilled desires and showing me they aren’t out there in a man; they aren’t in beauty or feelings of acceptance, or the lack of struggle or in having enough money or a newer car. They aren’t in success or recognition at work. They aren’t in eating well and exercise. Deep fulfillment, joy, the spark, the chemistry…they are in His heart for me. He still blows my mind after all these years.

I am crazy about this God that I’ve never seen and must wait my whole life to Him see face to face. But the waiting is worth it. Learning his word is learning His love for me. This isn’t wasted. I want to trace His heart more. I want Him to trace mine. Till Love becomes very familiar to my eyes...